After So Many Years.

When I was young, my best friend lived only a few doors up from me. For many years we were pretty much inseparable, both at school and outside school hours. We had similar interests, spent most of our free time together, and spent so much time at each other’s house that our parents regularly invited the other to stay for tea.

We kind of lost touch when we left school. He got married and moved away, I had a new career, and suddenly we just didn’t see each other anymore. Over the years we bumped into each other from time to time, and while it was always great to say hello and catch up for a few brief moments, we didn’t spend any real time together for forty-five years. Sadly, he doesn’t do social media.

Last month, he and his wife came to the UK, and his wife made sure we caught up. Unfortunately, they were only in town for one night, but it was enough. We spent the evening talking, sharing memories and comparing notes on where life had taken us. It was a fantastic evening and we had lots of laughs, rediscovering stories that one or other of us had forgotten, and a real sense that the friendship we had then was not just one of convenience, but firmly rooted in shared values and a genuine love and respect for each other.

I was able to tell him how much our friendship meant, the impact he had on me as a young lad and how I still thought of him regularly. We truly were a couple of kids who tried to do the right thing, were generally honest, and delighted in celebrating each other’s wins. At one point I asked him, “What happened? Why did we drift apart?” He smiled and said, “Life.” And then he put his arm around my shoulder.

It probably happened, but I still cannot recall a single time when we fell out as teens.

We spoke of other friends, people who lived in our street, people we went to school with, others we both knew. Some seemed to have dropped off the radar completely. Some, one of us knew something about. A few are tragically no longer with us. A couple took a wrong turn at some point and ended up in bad places. I hope that one of those sorted themselves out and is now in a good place, but I don’t really know.  In hindsight, I can see he could have gone either way even then.  A few bad decisions, I guess.

A lot of people talk about how, after catching up with an old friend, it was like no time had passed. I understand what they mean, but that wasn't really true for us. Time had passed. Forty-five years had passed. We were no longer the boys who spent evenings shooting pool at his house, listening to the Beatles, Cold Chisel and Kate Bush. We no longer played cricket in the empty land next to his house, kicking a football back and forth, painting a huge Bob Dylan picture for the art teacher at school.  We had accumulated a lifetime of stories, had experiences, disappointments and success, and, hopefully, grown wiser. Neither of us was the same person we had been when we last saw each other regularly.

And yet something important had survived. The affection was still there. The respect was still there. The ability to sit together and talk openly was still there. The values and ethics that had drawn us together as young lads were still recognisably the same. Even our wives noticed and commented on our instant re-connection. The years had changed us, but who we had become was built on many of the same foundations that had formed our friendship all those years ago.

As I drove home that evening, I was happy. I was smiling. I found myself thinking about my youth and the time spent in that suburb, that street, that school. The people we talked about had gone in different directions. Some struggled and some prospered. A few had died far too young. Others were mentioned and remembered. I wish them all well. I'd be happy to see most of them, to say "Hi" and spend a few minutes chatting about what was and what is. But my friend is the only one I truly wish had remained in my life.

We’ve had a break in the conversation. A very long break, but the conversation has restarted. And I count myself lucky for the opportunity to continue.