Tell Us About Yourself...

How do you write about yourself without sounding like an idiot?

This week I had to write my bio for my upcoming publication, and I suddenly realised I didn't know what to write. Obviously 3rd person works best in these cases, but apart from that? I had no idea. So the first thing I did was grabbed some anthologies and read what others had written. My next step was to do a quick internet search to see if there were any recommendations.  I did find one site that had some good information.

Some writers try to use humour, making self deprecating jokes or trying to show themselves as zany. I can see this works for some people, but I quickly realised it wouldn't work for me.  Which was a bit of a shame, as I had thought about paraphrasing Polly from Fawlty Towers. "With the sale of this story, Steve is now earning enough as a writer to keep him in teaching."

Hmmm, no.

Some writers also include their pets - especially if they are cats. Since cats and I are mortal enemies, that was never going to happen.  I thought about mentioning my dogs, but figured they'd never read it anyway.  No, mentioning pets just wasn't going to work for me either.

It's easier too if you have some publications behind you. Unfortunately I don't.  I considered making up a few. "Steve's work can be found in such titles as Queasy Stomach Vol.4, Uneasy, Dry Retch and I'm Making This One Up." That was just going to make me look sad if anyone ever decided to actually hunt for these things.

Same with awards.  I haven't been nominated or won anything yet. No Ditmars, Aurealises (Aurealii?), Chronoses (Chronii), or anything else.  I could have added, "Steve has a Bronze Swimming Medallion and holds Level 2 in First Aid. He has recently been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize."

Naaaah.

Same with the ubiquitous, "Steve is working on his novel."   I'm not.

In the end I decided to be honest, straight to the point and serious.  It's what works for me. Of course once I discussed this with my friends, they all volunteered to write one for me.

Now that would have been embarrassing.

One Week Down...

It's the end of my first week under the mentorship of Paul Haines and it's already paying dividends. As you may know Paul is mentoring me under the auspices of the Australian Horror Writer's Association. I've submitted some of my work and we've commenced a dialogue.

I feel like I've learned a fair bit in the first week alone. His constructive criticism, comments and advice (and encouraging words) have reinforced some things I was already aware of, and opened my eyes to others that I was not. I'm on the way, but my writing needs practice and a chance to develop. I feel like I can improve and with Paul's guidance I know I will.

I guess how far is ultimately up to me.  Thanks for a great start, Paul.

Mentor As Anything.

A month or so ago I decided to apply for the Mentor Program run by the Australian Horror Writers' Association. Last night I received word I'd been accepted - making me a Mentee, or is it Mentoree.  Either way, I'm completely over the moon.

I was required to submit an application form, a statement of why I wished to be included, and 1000 word sample. I also was asked to name the three Mentors I'd like to have as my guru.  A tough choice indeed, looking at the names that were offered up.  In the end I listed Paul Haines - because I'd met him at Continuum 6 and really enjoyed his writing, Jason Nahrung - because I'd met him at a minicon and had bought his book (Haven't read it, yet) and Stephen Dedman, because I'd bought all the issues of Borderlands.

I'd have been thrilled with any of these guys, or any of the others up for offer.  I wasn't even sure I'd be selected, and so you can only imagine my thrill when I received the email telling me Paul Haines was taking me on.

Yay!  Thanks AHWA, Marty Young and Paul Haines.  I look forward to learning so much over the next three months.

Be Very Afraid.

While most parents think their kids are going to become handfuls when they become teenagers, and for some reason this seems especially true of girls, my niece (let's call her Anne)  really is going to be a handful. She thinks incredibly differently to everyone else I know, has an amazingly strange Gilliam-like imagination and non-sequiturs in the most wonderfully bizarre ways.

Yesterday I was at McDonalds for breakfast - a place I really try not to frequent - but it was another niece's birthday and she was there with her parents and I had to drop off the present and . . . .  well, you get the picture.  And Anne was there too.

While we were eating, Anne was busy writing on a napkin.

"What's that you're writing?" we asked.

"Just something to scare the next people to use this table," she replied. "I'm going to leave it here, and when they see it they'll be scared."

What are the Dooms at the top about, I wondered - especially since I wasn't sure how a 7 year old would even know the usage of said word. She then sang the opening notes of Beethoven's 5th Symphony, using the Dooms.... I loved the genius irony of not only the music, but the message of doom. (Even though I know she didn't intend it.)

This is the same girl who then read out a speech she'd just written - the one she'd prepared for her "sugar self help group." (Yes, I know. Where on earth did that come from?) It started with:

"Hello, my name is Anne." Then she'd written, in brackets "Hello Anne" - the supposed response from the other members of this group.  At that point I recalled when she was about 4 and someone asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She simply said, "An alcoholic."

And there are a million more stories like these ones. This is a girl who thinks outside every box, and yesterday over breakfast was deliberately trying to work out how to scare whichever strangers were to next sit at our table. And that's a little weird - especially since she wanted to do it by telling them not to be afraid - she said to me that would make them more scared.

I sure hope she starts writing fiction when she's older.  I'll point her straight at the Australian Horror Writer's Association. Perhaps she'll even get published in Midnight Echo before I do.