Life, the Universe and Everything.

I went to a double funeral during the week.

My mate's wife passed away about a month ago. He passed away five days later. He was 92, she was 91. It wasn't really a surprise as neither had been well. I last saw him about six weeks before he died. He'd been in hospital and looked tired. The sparkle had gone from his eyes and he seemed like he'd simply had enough. Not in a dramatic sense. More that he was weary and was ready.
It wasn't a shock when I got the call, but a realisation. He was the first of the gang to leave us.

A few years ago I started going to the club once a week, hoping to meet some people, to make friends. I'd sit in the corner with a pint and a book. A bunch of people played backgammon in another corner, while a few groups of people huddled around small tables chatting and sipping their beers. One week, a guy in one of the groups told me to put the book away and come and join them. We became friends quickly, and now they are my gang, the guys I see each week for a drink at the club. There are seven of us who sit and chat and laugh. And we laugh lots. Our regular table, our regular seats. The in-jokes, the local news, restaurant reviews and so on. 

I'm the youngest, but in any group someone has to play that role. One of the guys, a year older than me, is a huge music fan as well.  I'm Beatles, he's Bowie.  And so the two of us discuss music, releases and rumours. The others are older, and we discuss life, the universe and everything.

Like all good friendship groups, ours has developed its own personality over the years. You know who will arrive first, who will tell the longest story, who will have an opinion on whatever topic comes up. The conversations wander all over the place and often end somewhere completely unexpected. My friend had his own place in the group. His own stories, opinions and observations. He had a dry wit and shared my sense of humour. We "got" each other. There were times I'd say something, and the others would nod, but he'd glance over at me and smirk. He'd throw out a line, and I'd look over to see him gazing back, wanting to see if I'd caught it. I sat at his funeral. To my right, only a few feet away, was a floor-to-ceiling window looking out onto a stone garden with a small beck running through it. For the entire ceremony, two ducks were no more than fifteen feet from me. One paddled in the beck. The other wandered over the stones, pecking around as if it had important duck business to attend to.

My eyes and mind kept returning to them. It was calming and comforting. While we sat inside reflecting on lives that had ended, the world outside was simply carrying on as normal. The circle of life, of being alive.

His seat at the club still sits vacant. It's not sacred, it's not a memorial, it's just that no one has moved into it yet. But I do find myself wondering who will be the next recruit. The next person who walks into the club looking for company and ends up being told to put their book away and join us.

Groups like ours can't stay the same forever. We've talked about this, my music friend and I. One day we'll be the elder statesmen and others will be occupying the seats. They'll never know the man who used to sit up one end, but they'll become part of the tale. They'll inherit the stories, the jokes, the restaurant reviews and the discussions about music.

And before long they'll be sharing stories of their own around the same table.

Frozen in Time.

It's ten years since I moved from Australia. My friends and I try to keep in touch, but the truth is we're in different worlds, different time-zones, and our lives are moving in different directions.  It's always great to see them when I visit, but then I get back here and we fall back into our quite irregular contact.

Last week I was thinking about people I knew before I  moved here. Not friends, as such, but people I worked with, people I saw at social events, even students. Some of them I see online.  It's great to see ex-students, for example, getting older, finding careers, getting married and having children. Not all the people I knew back then are online or in my friendship group.

I found myself wondering how an old student was getting on, and I realised that for me that person is still about 16 years old.  I've not seen or heard anything about them since I last taught them, so in my mind they haven't aged at all. They're not going to be like that now, of course, but that is how I see them.

This happens to everyone when we move out of their circle.  We preserve them in time, at the age and stage of life we knew them.  The teacher at school is still 35 and eating a packed lunch out of a paper bag, the neighbour is still listening to the Allman Brothers at high volume, the student never quite leaves school.

But we move on. We grow, evolve, change. We gather experience and learn. Misfortune occurs and our worldview alters, and sometimes our personalities. Careers advance or change, children are born, grey hair appears.  Decades pass, and my high-school friend is still a sixteen year old lover of football,  not the CEO of a tech company.

Surely there is someone in Australia who remembers me as the twenty-five year old colleague, the 40 year old student, the 50 year old teacher. They have no reason to update that picture, and I can guarantee they wouldn't even be able to imagine much of what I do these days.

Soon I will be catching up with an old friend, my best friend from High School. We last spent any real time together when I was around nineteen. Over the years we bumped into each other occasionally, and it was great to chat and laugh. He's not on social media, but we've kept in minimal contact through his wife. Now they're coming here, and we'll be catching up over dinner.  Our first proper catchup since the early 80s.

I know what he's been doing, I know where his life took him.  I have some idea of what he's doing now.  But to me there is still so much of him that is the eighteen year old friend who shared so much time with me.

I'm really looking forward to it.

When the Universe Affirms.

I worked the gate of a small event recently.  For about two and a half hours, a friend and I collected entrance money from cars, and showed them where to park. It was the last part of the day, so it was, for the most part fairly quiet.

As such, we spent much of the time chatting about quite a few things. And some of these were very exact and specific. Not politics, music, books or film. Nothing common or popular. In fact, I could give you several hundred guesses and you would be very unlikely to name these topics.

And yet on three separate occasions during the afternoon, someone leaving or arriving to the event stopped to say hello, and mentioned the very thing we had just finished talking about. I mean within minutes.

We were in a large field, with no one around us except the odd squirrel, but these people were apparently tuned into our conversation. It was completely bizarre, and yet it felt right. It felt like we were receiving confirmation from the universe that the conclusions we were drawing were correct, accurate and appropriate.

I am constantly amazed by these synchronistic moments.  They seem to be happening more and more, and in more and more unlikely ways.

I feel like I am more in tune these days, that I am more aware of these moments, and am possible looking for them.

Or, perhaps, someone or something is stalking me and setting me up. Those pesky squirrels!

Underneath the Radar.

I've just spent two weeks back in Australia. A short trip, just to visit and spend time with family. Only my siblings and my best friend knew in advance.  I truly wanted to surprise my mum and a few other people, and it worked - the plans didn't leak.

It was great spending time with Mum and Dad, sitting with them and chatting to dad - even hearing a few old stories for the first time. I think there was only one day where I didn't go and sit with him, mostly because I had a lingering cough from the dry flight and Mum was a little worried for him.

I caught up with some close friends, getting up to speed on news and having a lot of laughs. I even managed to visit the school where I taught - a few friends left, but after 9 years away so many have moved on. It was great to see the place, and to hear of what they're doing. A good place with a good culture, but it was also good to reaffirm I no longer belong there.

My best friend and I spent a whole day together - again, laughing, telling tales, having lunch and just enjoying each other's company. We fell back into our easy, comfortable conversation - personal, philosophical, and everything in between. Such a wonderful day.

And then suddenly, it was time to return home. A bittersweet trip, of course, but all very positive.

I apologise to others I couldn't visit - there was no real time and I had consciously decided not to run myself ragged. Hopefully next time.

Absent Friends.

A couple of years ago, in quite a short time, I lost three good friends to various illnesses and diseases.  Although I knew they were all seriously ill, only one of them was expected.  But even that was sooner than we had all thought.

My other two friends had given me reason to believe they were improving, and that everything was going to be fine. It turns out one was mistaken, the other was simply keeping it all to himself.

I miss them. I think of them often, and wish that they were around so we could hang out and chat.

Since their passing, I have dreamed of each of them. And each of these dreams was meaningful and personal.  They indicated things to me that were deeper than a normal dream. There are some who would suggest these might even be messages from beyond - at least in two of those dreams.

Recently there have been some situations in my life which one of my friends would have loved. These events were right up his alley, so to speak. And I know he would have been overjoyed to discuss them at length. And I wish he were around for us to do that.

My best friend is back in Australia, and I wish I could spend time talking to her - just like we used to on oh so many occasions.  Cos these events are also something she would be deeply interested in.

Hopefully she'll come to the UK to visit again soon. Til then, I'll just have to reflect and ponder.

And raise a glass to absent friends.

Connections and Re-connections.

I recently reconnected with a community with whom I had lost touch. Good people all, with shared interests and similar values. But for a number of reasons, I was no longer in contact.

Last month, I decided I needed to reconnect, and so I reached out to a couple of them. Boy, am I glad that I did!  It has been fantastic, and I have truly realised how much I value their friendship, and all that comes along with that. These are dark times, as we all know, but their mentoring, encouragement and support has really lifted my mood.

I have another, smaller community. A bunch of guys with whom I catch up weekly.  We have a chat, tell tall tales, poke fun at each other, and generally laugh a great deal - all over a couple of pints.

These connections are important. I spend a lot of time working from home, faceless behind a computer screen.  I mostly communicate with others through email and messaging, and so I live a lot inside my own head. I need to be social with others, I need to talk and to learn and to laugh. And to share.

I am grateful for these people, these wonderful people who provide me the opportunities to do so. The calm my mind, bring me inner peace.  And I hope in some small way I contribute to their wellbeing.

It's Never Too Late.

I’ve just spent a week travelling in France with an old friend. 

We met more than 30 years ago while working in Japan, and despite living on different continents, we manage to catch up every couple of years. Of course we are in regular online contact, but it’s not the same, is it?

But France was a lot of fun.  Good food, good wine, and a lot of chatting. Oh, and there may have been a few Beatles singles found along the way.

In our reminiscing, he told me something from all those years ago, something I didn’t know, and something that absolutely delighted me. I think he thought I knew, and so never mentioned it before.

Thanks for letting me know.

I arrived back in the UK, exhausted after a week of travelling, all on trains and buses, and then walking long days all around cities - Strasbourg and Paris. We saw some great sights, visited museums, art galleries, Christmas markets, and scenic spots. Did I mention vinyl shops?

What a week. One I will remember and cherish.  And if you have something positive to share, it’s never too late to let someone know.  It will be appreciated.

Passing Patrons

It's been almost eight years since I moved back to the UK. And where I live is quite different to where I lived in Australia. It's certainly quieter, slower and more laid back. I love the little village in which I live, and the city is quite beautiful.

People often ask me whether I miss Australia. I have moments, of course, but what I do miss most are my family and friends.

I have plenty of friends in the UK, and people I am friendly with, but I haven't really made any mates. Those who will drop over for a pint, or to watch the footy, or just to hurl abuse and mock you. As you get older, it gets harder to make new close friends.  I think this level of friendship occurs due to shared interests, experiences or through the mutual looking for friends. By my age, most people already have their friendship circle and don't need any more. I suppose it doesn't help that most of my interests seem not to be shared by anyone around me.

On the weekend, I was in another city for a conference. A splendid time was had, and during the dinner break I headed out to find some food. I ended up in a small Indian restaurant, and shared a table with another patron, someone not attending the conference.  I really enjoyed his company, and we seemed to have so much in common. We chatted about music (similar tastes), laughed, and generally had a good time. And then I had to leave.

I said bye, and headed out. A minute or so later, I considered returning to ask if we could connect on social media, but I figured that might be weird. It's unlikely we'd ever get to hang out due to the distance between our cities, and that's what I would have really enjoyed.

Maybe I should have. You never know. We might have ended up hanging out, somehow, somewhere. But if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. So Mark, if you're out there and somehow reading this, get in touch. 

Now Why Did They Do That?

Oh no! Someone unfriended me on Facebook!

Now I have no doubt that others have too. With a friend-list well into the hundreds, some of whom I don't know personally, it's likely I may not have noticed them. I don't know how long ago this person unfriended, although I think I interacted with them earlier this year.

We're not close, have only met a couple of times in person, but we share several interests. I always enjoy reading their posts, usually hit the like button, sometimes add a positive comment, and have very occasionally tagged them into a post I thought they would like - as they have with me.

Recently I realised I hadn't seen them in my newsfeed for a while, and I just figured it was the FB algorithms at work again. No matter, I searched for them and they weren't in my friend list. I searched for their homepage, and noticed we were no longer friends. Which kind of surprised me. And then I noticed all our mutual friends hadn't been unfriended. And that kind of bugged me a bit. 

And now I'm wondering if I did or said something wrong on my FB feed.

Or maybe they had a purge and I didn't make the cut.

Or maybe....

It has me wondering. What if one of us accidentally unfriended the other, or there was a FB glitch which did it? I have heard of this happening. What if they're sitting there wondering why I unfriended them?

Is there etiquette for this? Worry about it? Ignore it? Ask a mutual friend? Do you send a polite message asking?

Of course, there is then the concern that they're too polite to tell you the truth, claim it was an accident and reluctantly re-add you. Or worse, they tell you why they unfriended you.

I have been unfriended in the past - twice in purges of friend lists. And I know this as they both announced they would be running a purge prior to doing so. It was a little disappointing as I liked following their posts.

Interestingly, both these people later re-added me as friend. That pleased me greatly, but I did wonder why they did so. I'm not convinced it was my sparkling and charming personality that brought them back.

But it is what it is. And if you're reading this, I'll miss your posts.

Don't Get Around Much Anymore.

It's coming up on two years since I last visited family and friends in Australia. What a fabulous trip! Spent time with family and friends, visited my old stomping grounds, picked up some Australian albums which had been released while I'd been away, and the same with a few books. That trip really settled and recharged me.

I have no idea when I'll be able to visit again. 

Recently, it has hit me quite hard that it may be a year or two - or even more. Technically I could travel now, if I wanted to go through the hassle of being on a plane, wearing a mask, surrounded by strangers and not receiving even the current low standards of food and drink, then going into quarantine at the other end and facing the prospect that here or there closes their borders and I'm unable to travel for extended periods. I would have to add two weeks to the trip, just to sit in a hotel in quarantine, and then possibly the same coming back here, but no-one seems sure of the rules in the UK, not even the government. But the biggest thing is the cost would be prohibitive. 

I hadn't looked at airfares for nearly two years, but was stunned to see this morning they are currently four times what I usually pay. And then the two week quarantine at the other end apparently costs about the same as 1.5 times the usual airfare price. So a trip home which I normally get for around £900 would be closer to £5000. (As I said, I'm not even sure of the quarantine coming back into the UK - that could also add to the expense.)

So no, I can't travel at the moment. And I have no desire to sit on a plane for extended hours with strangers. Heck, I'm even cautious about going to the supermarket, and limit that unless I must.

But my mental health says I need to get out and do things, see people, interact beyond the monitor in front of me. I need to chat in person, be around others and have a laugh.

Good news is always appreciated, and I've had some this week which helped. Making plans with friends and family also helps, and I've taken time to do this during the week as well. And fine wine and eating never hurts. And yes, I've partaken this week - although I've been good and watched my intake on both counts.

It's draining, isn't it? And it made me think of all those people who applied for the one way trip to Mars, including 8 months or more with a bunch of other people in a tin can ship the size of a minibus. Yup, I wonder how many of them are going crazy after a year in an actual house.

Is NASA using this time to study the psychology of people in lockdown?

Me and Stevio Down By The Schoolyard.

I had some good friends in high school, but I don't really know what happened. Within a very short time we'd all lost touch. Of course that was well before the internet and we all moved out into other worlds. These days I'm only really in touch with one of them, and that's infrequently and second hand through his wife on social media. Hey Steve B, thanks for all those years of friendship through school. I'd love to be in touch more often.

But what about the other other Steve C? What became of him? And Doug P? We used to play cricket and tennis and hangout after school. Doug D? I remember standing on the lunchtime soccer ground and talking about Bob Dylan. Keith F? Another Beatles fan. You gave me my first taste of Sgt Pepper and All Things Must Pass on cassette. Neil S? You lived just around the corner and I have no idea where you went. Tim G? I caught up with you once a few years ago and never heard from you again. Paul W? You left our school and moved to Sydney. A mad keen Carlton fan and a good writer. Where are you? Arthur C? We were good friends, and I have no idea where you moved to. Michael H? You got in touch with me at work many years ago, and asked me to call you back. I felt terrible because I lost your number on my desk and waited for a return call. 

And Johnny R? I search online for you from time to time, and can't find anything about you. We spent so much time together - fishing, listening to music, eating toast in the middle of the night.

I would love to hear from you all. I'd love to know what you're doing, what happened, hear some memories.

In fact, I'd be thrilled.

Up, Up And Away.

I fly out to Australia tomorrow. It's been almost two years since I was home. I'm really quite excited about the whole trip, especially catching up with family and friends.

I'll be staying with my parents in the house in which I grew up. The house has changed a lot, so it's not quite as nostalgic for me as it might be for others returning home. There is nothing there which was mine from my teenage years, for example.

I will visit my old school, where I was a student and then a teacher before I moved to the UK. It's only a couple of hundred yards from my parents' house and is home to many of my best friends. It's also earmarked for rebuilding, and parts of it, including the staff room, have already been stripped. This will be the last chance to see it as it was.

My hometown is a bit of a sleepy hollow, but I know it well, having grown up, taught and policed the area. It has changed dramatically in the last 50 years (we moved there in late 1968) and I will be interested to see what has changed in the last couple of years.

I'm also looking forward to a couple of food items you can't get over here. Vegemite is readily available, I love Tim Tams but don't yearn for them, and you can get kangaroo steak here if you look for it (I haven't).  No, these are not the things I miss. What I really long for is a dim sim or two.

Dim sims are a uniquely Australian take on Chinese dumplings. They're cheap, they're nasty, and they are completely wonderful. They can be served steamed or deep fried (always deep fried for me) and they're something I've been craving for the past two months.

I'm also looking forward to a Chiko Roll. Yes, I know. They're usually awful. They seem like a good idea until you have one, then when you do buy one, you remember why you haven't done so in a long time. And I think I might buy a meat pie - Australian style.

I've rented a car this time so I will have more mobility, be able to go further afield and visit people I didn't get to last time. Already I have plans to drive out west to visit and old friend, and then up north-east to visit my brother. I do love a good road trip. MP3 player at the ready.

Tomorrow I'll be in the air, and I think that's the only thing I'm not looking forward to. It's a long haul, and the airlines continue to dehumanise their customers by decreasing space, offering fewer services, and charging for things that should be included.

I'll see you on the other side.

Home Again, Home Again?

I'm confused.

I'm currently in Australia, at the tail end of a two week visit, and in a day or so I'll be heading home. Or am I currently at home, and heading off again?

Since July 2016 I've been working and residing in the UK with Lindsey. That's where you'll find our dogs, our TV, my Beatles' albums and our car. But I grew up in Australia, so for so many years that was my home. Before that, however, I was born in Scotland and emigrated to Australia when I was a tot.

So which is my home?

Both, in different ways. But for now I'm heading home, with a bag full of Tim-Tams to share with Lindsey. If you drop in for a coffee after I get back, you might just score one.

The Weather With You.

The past week has been cool, although milder than it has been. Temperatures have ranged from 6 to 10c and mostly dry. Yes, there have been a few showers, but nothing terrible.

In a couple of days it will be high 20s into the 30s. Not in Lincoln, of course, but in Melbourne, Australia.

Apart from articles about my Australian Football team, and the odd bits of news I pick up through Facebook, I have no idea of what's happening back home. Entertainment, politics, news or sport - none of it. I stopped reading the Australian news and weather a few months after arriving over here. There just didn't seem much point, and I felt it was more important to be aware of what was happening here in the UK.

But I've been tracking the Melbourne weather for the past few weeks as I'm heading home in a few days, time to visit family and friends. It appears I'll be arriving into a 33c day. Guess I won't be needing my winter jacket and scarf.

I was planning to get up to a football match, although I think that's now fallen through. I have made some plans to hang out with my best friend, to have dinner with others, to visit my school, and to catch up with family.

I've also made arrangements to visit Deakin University, where I studied all those years, and to chat with some staff there regarding the differences between the Australian and UK tertiary systems. Aaah, Professional Development - grab it where you can.

When I booked my ticket I wasn't too fussed. Yes, I was looking forward to going, but as the departure date approaches my excitement continue to grows. I really can't wait to see my family and friends.

And Tim Tams. There will be Tim Tams.

Back, Forward And Now.

A time of reflection this week. A time to look back at where I've been and to look forward to where I'm going.

I spent several hours on the weekend in StreetView, virtually walking the old neighbourhoods in Tokyo. During my time there I lived in three different places, and so it was fun travelling up and down the old streets, trying to re-find places I used to frequent, and looking at what had changed. It made me nostalgic, and now I want to go back and walk those streets for real. I want to open my senses and take it all in again, this time afresh. I want to see the people that still live there, and catch up with old friends.

I've spent some time talking with a friend about my writing, and how I haven't written much recently. There are a number of reasons for that, and I'm planning to overcome those obstacles shortly. I also spent some time talking with the same friend about career moves, about my transition and what it's meant to both me and my teaching.

I've also spent time thinking about my own goals, personal, writing and career-wise. I'd made decisions about where I plan to be in the future in each of those areas, and I've pretty much re-affirmed those this week.

And I've spent time thinking of a couple of friends who are currently facing battles of different types.

I've looked to my inspirations, both people I've met and those who have inspired me. Some were/are mentors, some are friends who have done incredible things (and continue to do so), and some are people who wouldn't even know their influence on me.

I chatted tonight to one of those people. She's just done some fantastic things in education. But she won't be recognised for it by anyone, apart from a few colleagues. She might even be criticised by some for having a job with short hours, long holidays and too many complaints. Yeah, I've heard that a few times recently, and it gets old real quick. Walk a mile in my shoes, and so on...

But I can't complain. Life here continues to be good, and I'm grateful for what I have.
Now all I have to do is stop procrastinating and get writing again.